Realizations of A Blind Man

 You can't make her happy like before and it's killing you like poison even if you're happy with her. It's hard to make someone happy when they think that you'll screw up  again but it's harder to feel that she is not like before. 

You screwed up. Restoring what is normal is like giving a blind man hope that he will see a rainbow again. I know you love her with everything you've got but ask yourself, does she love you like before? Did she change because she loves you or did she change because she's protecting herself from you? 

You screwed up. And I know that you are sorry for what you did. But can she see that? Can she forgive you with full extent and without add ons? Can she love you like before?

You can fix this. Even if she suspect things from you and even if she brings up the past, always remind yourself that you love the old her and you will wait for the old her to come back even if she doesn't.